Back already to answer more letters! What, did you think it would fizzle out after one edition? Yeah, we sort of did too.

Q: Hello, Scribes. I am a huge fan of the Conker series. There has been a debate regarding the Machine used in Castle Von Tedistein. First off, what exactly is the Machine’s function? Is it a Time Machine? Is it a Machine that makes Machine Tediz, or is it a Machine that converts regular Tediz into Machine Tediz? If it is a Time Machine, then my theory of the war timeline will make sense.
   Alpheta

A: Conker designer Chris Seavor says: “It’s a portal into the future, through which the future Tediz can come (like The Terminator).”
   See that? An actual response from a first-hand source, with proper, clear-cut information. Cherish it. We’ve never been able to predict the appearance of such anomalies and probably never will.

Q: If I do Mumbo’s rain dance in Kinect Sports, will I win an in-game reward?
   Jake Ford

A: No promises, but… well, no. Just generally no. Unless one of the programmers reads this and includes it in an attempt to be ‘funny’.

Q: Yo! You great game making dudes you. Any chance of some Jet Force Gemini news? Is that a JFG image of some kind I see in your games section (currently greyed out)?
   Fingers etc. crossed,
   Steve

A: No JFG news at the moment. Even ‘background chatter’ would be over-generous. But we can always dig out some authentic JFG discussion from the space year 2000 in our handy Blast from the Past feature! Which honestly requires a lot of work on our part! It does!

Blast from the Past: February 11, 2000

Q: I finally beat the “too long” JFG in 25:99 according to the handy Jet Force clock, and the game has been out long enough, I don’t mind giving this semi-spoiler to ask a question. Why does the ending have _NO_ mention of Floyd?! No memorial, no “oh yeah, the plucky robot saved the planet, let’s go party,” no “Offical Rar! Day.” Not like he made any kind of sacrifice or anything…
   ExoByte

A: Here’s the official word from the team. Brace yourself for its harsh logic:
   “The original ending was intended to show a tear falling from Floyd’s eye before he was blown into a thousand pieces, and a gold statue was to be put up on Goldwood as a lasting tribute to his sacrifice… then we discovered the designer of Conker could do a fantastic Jimmy Saville impression.”

Got a question for Scribes/Mini-Scribes? Send it here. We reserve the right to answer it wherever, whenever and however we like, or just pretend it never happened. The chances improve in tandem with the not-rubbishness of the question.