And what it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine
‘Cos I’ve got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is answering Mini-Scribes…
Q: Dear Rare,
I’m a big fan of your company and still support it no matter how it has changed lately as a whole. I know it seems silly to request a game (in this case a port), but I do hope I can get some sort of message that tells me if it’s even possible to see this game come back.
“Battletoads, also known as Super Battletoads is a 1994 arcade game developed by Rare and published by Electronic Arts.”
I was thinking that since your partnership with Microsoft (which was quite a long time ago now that I think about it), it may be possible for this game to see the light of day in some way, shape, or form. Whether it be XBLA or Game Room, I (and many others alike) just want to be able to play this game once more… I know with how many e-mails you get you may not even see this message, but I just hope I can get some sort of answer of whether I should just give up on this or maybe even seek out an arcade cab at this point?
Vinny Di Lallo
A: That might be your best option, Lalloskates. It’s possible that arcade Battletoads could resurface, but first we’d have to embark upon another XBLA project, then decide it should be a port of a previous release rather than something new, then whittle the contenders down to the Battletoads series, then pick out the arcade version in particular. Then see if we could untangle whatever rights issues may be knotted around it. Then go looking for the original code and assets, because the availability of that stuff plays a major part in these decisions, and who can say what’s left of Super Battletoads nowadays?
On the bright side, it’s probably more feasible than Grabbed by the Ghoulies DLC. Don’t tell Gregg I said that.
Q: Dear Rare,
I was playing your stupid game on my BIRTHDAY, okay, well an hour and half before midnight of the morning of my BIRTHDAY when I got killed by a stupid Russian shooting a box, which clearly had no explosives in it. Upon the box being shot, on my BIRTHDAY, the box exploded. Because of this inconvenience, one of the most distinguished international spies in cold war history was brought prematurely to his death, on my BIRTHDAY. I mean, come on, you’re telling me that this is the pinnacle of gaming technology? This is, doubtlessly, the worst birthday ever.
A: Games only exist as receptacles for exploding boxes and barrels. Fact. Every game ever made contains at least one, from Pong to Kinect Sports. What? Sometimes they’re easy to miss. If you can’t come to terms with this harsh truth, I fear there’s little we can do to make your BIRTHDAY any more satisfactory. Top tip: check your cake’s not box-shaped before lighting the candles.