Mini-Scribes for every situation
Moving through the doorway of the nation…

Q: Hello and thank you for taking the time to review my question.
     Last night I was playing Kinect Sports with a friend and his family. To be specific, we were bowling. During our game I started having a conversation with my friend’s dad about the difficulty of the game. My theory is that the difficulty levels are progressive within each character or “account” AND also within each individual game. I believe that if I start off playing very well and hit all strikes during the first 5-8 frames by the time I’m having to bowl the 10th frame the difficulty has increased. Is this accurate or not?
     Also, if this is true, could you provide me with some details about how it is that the difficulty increases? Does the game start measuring your movements more closely, are the margins for error reduced, etc…
     Thank you again for taking time to read this. I look forward to your reply.
     Rene Ruiz

A: Bowling designer Paul (that’s right, we went and got a proper response, calm your fluttering hearts) says: “Thanks for the question! It would make the game very hard for players to continually get better and know how to create a consistency in their play if we did something like that. I reckon it’s more the pressure coming through when trying to get the perfect game!”
      But by all means tell your friend’s dad something entirely different, e.g. 25 consecutive strikes and the Kinect sensor projects a hologram of Rare cleaners dressed as cheerleaders, or a dire downturn in performance on the tenth ball causes Sadako to crawl down the lane and out of the screen.

Q: Dear Rare,
     I know, I know, it’s COMPLETELY WEIRD that one of the fans for your older game series would write you, but where is the future headed for them? Banjo and Kazooie, Conker, even the generic characters from Diddy Kong Racing. Will they fade into obscurity? You can always throw them to Retro Studios. Just an idea.
     Swifty

A: SO WEIRD. Nothing’s ruled out, Taylor (assuming it is you and not 18th century author Jonathan Swift) – we’re not making a stand against 27 years of Rare heritage. We’ve devoted time to Kinect Sports as it’s been our greatest success in years, and several million people are playing the heck out of those games just as you did with Banjo and Conker. Doesn’t mean we’ll never do anything else ever again. There’s love for every franchise both within and beyond Rare, but it’s all about opportunities and when to jump on them. The games marketplace is a vast, gnashing beast and nothing’s ever guaranteed (apart from melodrama).

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Mini-Scribes, coming and going
I watch you look at me, watch my fever growing
I know just where I am…

Q: How about doing a ice sledge hockey game or even a ice hockey game cause that would be cool to play and there’s lots of hockey fans around the world you’d make a profit
     Cheers
     Nige

A: Come on now, Nige. Ice sledge hockey isn’t even a real thing. And that’s because, whatever it is, it sounds TOO GOOD to be a real thing. Oh wait – just looked it up and it’s a real thing.
     Well, a lot of sports were prototyped for both Kinect Sports and Season Two, and along with popularity and demand, viability of mechanics was another major factor in deciding which ones made it through to the dozen released to date. It’s entirely possible that hockey or ice hockey were in the mix somewhere. As you say, they’re a bit more popular than bog snorkelling or chess boxing. So you never know.
     PS Chess boxing. CHESS BOXING. My new favourite thing.

Q: Dear Scribes, or to whom it may concern bothering to answer…
     I’ll make this short and simple. Who would win in a fight. Ortho or Navi?
     Kathryn Hadley

A: Chris from the Kameo design team ponders and responds, with admirable impartiality:
     ”You’d think Navi would win on account of having hands. But the Wotnot Book can fly and would just clamp shut on her.”

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Let’s get this crazy show of crazy questions and answers back on the road. Yes: the crazy road. Made of bubble wrap and lined with faded rocking horses and big bipedal lizards dressed as clowns.

Q: How you doing guys? Just got some questions about Kinect Sports.
     1. Are there any references to previous Rare titles? Maybe the ability to dress up your avatars in costumes that resemble Conker, Pimple and Joanna? The only thing better than that would be to have the characters themselves actually playable. Oh, that would be divine. You guys are long overdue for an all-star title, all the cool kids are doing it after all (Nintendo, Capcom, Konami, etc.) and in my opinion their characters just don’t have the same amount of personality that yours do.
     …Actually that’s the only question I have about KS. Yup, that’s all. Have a nice day, and may ruination come swiftly to your enemies!
     Josh

A: Thanks Josh! I hope we’re special and you don’t go around wishing ruination on the enemies of just anyone.
     We had a similar question to this before… basically no, we floated the idea of a few classic Rare mascots, but there were concerns that too big a chunk of the wide-ranging Kinect Sports audience would have no reference point and start punching itself in the face in bewilderment. Anyway, I think you’ll find Rare’s character design strengths are all present and correct in the mascot world. Rapid Robot is a figure of cult adoration, Energetic Eye is just one big furry googly eye, and Zippy Zombie or Casual Cactus could easily pull off a shoddy platform game to rival Klungo’s.

Q: My fellow Rare brethren and sisterthren,
     The most terrible of things happened to me today. My N64 broke. For good. No more Banjo-Kazooie for me. Oh, how I mourned my loss. And with no Xbox 360 version to fall back on, I turn to you in this tragic time.
     Rare, for the love of all things shiny and chocolate and covered in glitter that seems to stick to clothes, cushion covers, and meddling pets for countless years and never comes off, get the men upstairs in the suits and the hats to allow you to release BK on the Wii’s Virtual Console. Please!
     Yours sincerely (and, let’s face it, somewhat desperately),
     Ethan
     P.S. Do you know any good dry cleaners?

A: Are you creepy Ethan out of Lost? Can’t see there being any dry cleaners on that island, but then again you never know what’s down those hatches. Wasn’t The Kurgan down one of them?
     Right, yes, the question. Nintendo can basically add any or all of the Rare-produced games in their franchises (DKC, DK64, SFA) to Virtual Console, but anything else that’s still the property of Rare/Microsoft is far more likely to default to XBLA. Perfect Dark and Banjo were considered the biggest draws for an XBLA spit ‘n’ polish, so whether overhauls of any more Rare oldies will be judged ‘economically viable’, Michael Douglas style, is a whole other kettle of fish. We will of course keep you posted should there be any ripples in those waters.

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Oh crystal ball, crystal ball
Save us all, Mini-Scribes is beautiful
Mirror mirror, on the wall…

Q: I was wandering through the Servants’ Dormitory trying not to get pummeled to death by a Jessie N’ Clyde in Grabbed by the Ghoulies when I noticed a Frankie Goes To Hollywood Shirt on the ground to the right. My question, simply put, is why is there a ‘Frankie Says Relax’ shirt in my Ghoulies? Does the Baron wear it as he flies around in his pantomime plane? Is Crivens a fan of controversial ’80s synth pop? Or does it mean something else entirely?
   Relax, don’t do it.
   Lance Kolaher

A: We have asked designers. We have asked artists. We have asked Professor Stephen Hawking, Professor Brian Cox and anti-Frankie 1980s DJ Mike Read, or at least thought about it. None of those people confess to any knowledge of the content of this allegation. Either what you’ve uncovered here is a fragment of the most well-guarded conspiracy in human history, or the person who put it there has since left the company. Or, equally conceivably, half the people who worked on Ghoulies have chronic memory rot from years of reality TV, junkfood and alcopops.

Q: Dear Rare,
   Since for reasons unspecified you refuse to make the action/adventure games your fans have been demanding for over a decade could you at least put some of the beloved characters from those games in your sports games. I think it would take away a little of the sting if I could at least play as Banjo and Kazooie or Conker in one of your sports games.
   Sincerely,
   Jimmy

A: Reasons unspecified: we can’t possibly create every sequel and remake and XBLA port that people bawl at us to make on a daily basis, and when it comes down to it, Kinect Sports has proven more popular than anything else we’ve done in recent years. So while we never rule out returning to action-adventure or any other genre, we also have to a) be able to afford junkfood and alcopops and b) satisfy an active audience of more than three million people who now know Rare best for Kinect Sports.
   Many ideas were (and continue to be) tossed around for Sports mascots; the inevitable consensus was that the audience for this franchise is different enough to find a load of old-school Rare references bewildering rather than encouraging. Especially if one of them was Mr. Pants, which I would make damn sure it was.

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Mini-Scribes. A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of some games… that do not exist.

Q: I have a host of questions, enough so that you can probably make an entire Mini-Scribes blog with only them. But for the interest of time, I will cut it down to my top 4 questions.
   1. Is Kameo gone? I mean you know it’s bad luck to kill fairies right?
   2. You guys stated that you were going to closely monitor PD XBLA, how’s it doing? Because all the forums I’ve surfed on the web have many loyal Rare fans (myself included) dying for another controller-based PD (with a British Joanna Dark). OXM dropped a rumour for 2011. How much base was that rumor on – would you mind dropping another hint?
   3. Do you guys plan on announcing anything at Gamescom? Scratch that, are you guys going to Gamescom is a better way to word it.
   4. Lastly, does any of Rare’s vast teams have any projects that are controller-based, or don’t have Kinect as required? Don’t leave the core hanging.
   David

A: 1) She’s an elf, she just hangs around with fairies. Hey, nobody told us she would die if we didn’t put her in a game for a few years. Legally we’re in the clear.
   2) Rumours are rumours, mang. PD XBLA did well for itself, but there were never any conditions attached. First-party games are moving more and more towards Kinect integration, but if there is an opening for us to do something controller-based, it could be ruddy anything.
   3) Can’t say for sure, but it seems likely that we’ll follow a similar pattern to last year and rock up to most of the big shows with a shedload of Sports.
   4) You know we can’t tell you that, Dave. Stop, Dave. Will you stop? Daisy… Daisy… give me your answer… dooooooo…

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This is what you waited for, no rehearsals, no more stalling, Mini-Scribes
Have it tattooed on the inside of your pink and sleepy eyelids, Mini-Scribes…

Q: Ahoy there! I had some questions about the credits area of Banjo-Kazooie on XBLA. What exactly does ‘Moving N Shaking’ mean? It’s spoken by Gnawty the Beaver in the credits. Does it mean getting rid of the ‘N’ logo at the game startup maybe? Only logical explanation I got. By the way, thank you for releasing B-K, B-T, and PD on XBLA. So awesome! Love the nostalgia!
   Derek aka Firebomb 87

A: King of Banjo Mr. G. Mayles says: “‘Moving n’ shaking’ was an ‘hilarious’ category name for the credits, in the same way that the programmers were known as ‘keyboard tappers’ and the artists as ‘scribblers’. ‘Moving n’ shaking’ was the ‘bigwigs that sorted non-game stuff out’ category – like Tim, Joel and so on. The use of the ‘n’ was simply a ‘cool’ replacement for the word ‘and’.”

Q: So here we are again. Another year has (almost) passed and we nostalgic not-so-few are still wishing, nay, DEMANDING, you give us once and for all a decent sequel to Donkey Kong Country, and… wait… whoa. Did that really happen? Well, never mind. Don’t think even for a second that we will stop bugging you. Never. Jamais. Nie. Nunca. Mai. Not until we get GoldenEye 007 on W… what the… did the Lord Of Games get drunk or something?
   But still, I have to see the day you loonies decide to release a controller-free, motion sensing, casual-ish, even-those-that-think-Mr. Pants-is-an-underwear-brand-can-play game. Ha. That would be rid– oh. Holy Sabreman, this year was strange. Never saw all this coming. But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Isn’t it?
   Well, all I have left to say is: A Very Merry Christmas To Everyone! Or whatever you celebrate. Or don’t celebrate. But let it be Very Merry. And of course, Best Wishes and Happy New Year. You people deserve some great Holidays, after all, it’s you who made the formula that endures in these games all these years later. Mine sure will be great. Barrel-blasting, banana-saving, tiki-bashing, nostalgia-reviving great.
   Timelessly yours,
   The Ghost Of Christmas Future Past (currently stuck in the present)
   PS Still waiting for Tomorrow Never Dies though.

A: What’s all this about Christmas? Why are you talking like it’s December when it’s clearly May? Are you insinuating that there’s a months-long backlog of Scribes questions that we dig into at will? Just as well, nobody asks us anything printable any more. Oh, and cheers, by the way. Though of course we can’t take the credit for the hard work done by Retro and Eurocom in this generation. Feel that Christmas spirit! Happy New Year, fellas! You know, for four and a half months ago.
   PS Current thinking is to make it a match-three puzzle game. Check back with us in another 14 years.

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Let’s join forces, we’ve got our guns and horses
I know you’ve been burned, but Mini-Scribes is a lesson learned…

Q: Dear Scribes,
   I want to introduce my nephew to the wonderful world of Banjo-Kazooie. As he’s only ten months old, he’s a little bit too young for the games. I set about searching the internet for some kind of soft/plush toy but managed to find nothing. Did any Banjo-Kazooie soft toys exist at any point, and if so is there any way I can get my hands on one?
   Dean Jones

A: There were definitely plush toys at one point – at two points actually, once with Banjo and Mumbo Jumbo to support the original N64 Banjo games, and again featuring the Nuts & Bolts Banjo model a couple of years ago. Not sure whether the latter was widely released, and the Nintendo-licensed N64-era ones are relegated to the eBay circuit nowadays. If we had some gathering dust at the back of our tat cupboard, we’d send one your way… but nope. We did find some out-of-date, slightly runny Chewits if you want those instead.

Q: Dear Rare,
   Are there plans to make a new platformer/adventure game some time soon? Similar maybe to Conker and Banjo, but something new? That’d be cool beans.
   Alexander Van Broeck

A: Why do you hate Conker and Banjo so much, man? Suggesting we make a game that’s basically the same as the ones they were in, but refuse to let either of them be in it. So cold. Well, it’s all academic for now – with us ‘doing’ Kinect at the moment, we’re content to sit back and let other developers supply the required market share of platforming jiggerypokery.

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In violent times, you shouldn’t have to sell your soul
In Mini-Scribes, they really really ought to know…

Q: Yo. Old-school Banjo fan here. I want jumping, Jiggies, Jinjos. Make the vehicles vanish and all that jazz you’ve been receiving, etc. Yeah, I want a new Banjo game that’s a you-know-what-er. I bet all that sounded like the stuff you get all the time. So I’m not gonna spend this letter bugging you guys about the possibility of a new Banjo platformer, even though I personally think the Xbox needs a traditional platforming mascot.
   Rather, I was wondering if you could shed some light on some of those concepts that were being kicked around before the vehicle idea for Nuts & Bolts was decided on. You know, the more traditional follow-up for Tooie. How far in the development process did you guys get with those ideas before they were scrapped? Any fun tidbits you could share about that?
   Merry Christmas, assuming you get this before Santa falls down the chimney faster than Banjo the pumpkin. If it’s after the 25th, happy new year. If it’s after that, er, happy Valentine’s Day? Maybe this letter will fall into the void that all those unsold Grabbed by the Ghoulies copies went to.
   Gregor Machenspiel

A: Marvellous name. Have you thought about being a supervillain? You could have a machete and a glockenspiel. You could even team up with Eda Torpeda from the last Mini-Scribes to form a crime-fighting duo and/or firm of solicitors. We would seriously consider using Machenspiel & Torpeda for any small claims/vigilante needs.
   What was your question again? Oh right. I don’t think it went very far down the brand new traditional platformer route – it wandered briefly down Banjo-Kazooie remake alley and stopped for a sandwich in Banjo vs. Grunty competitive collectathon plaza before thundering onto the motorway of game-altering vehicular twists behind the wheel of a mental flying car with ejector seats and a flamethrower.

Q: Sup Rare,
   I have a few things to ask if I may.
   1. After Kinect Sports, if you were to create a new IP, what would your preference in genre be?
   2. I’ve been playing some games made by a company called Twisted Pixel games and I always get sudden nostalgia when I play. Have you played any of their games and what do you think of them?
   3. Will Kinect Sports have an unlockable Banjo costume? I think fans of Rare would enjoy that.
   Thanks for listening, and I think it’s great that you’re developing Kinect games.
   Jimm

A: 1) That’s a big question, Jim-double-m. We’ve prototyped all manner of stuff over the years, the majority of which you will – melodramatically – never see. Everyone’s got an idea, but these days teams and budgets are so big it all comes down to greenlights and marketability. Plus if we just say “MMORPG” or “3D fighter” it will solidify into fact on the forums in about 45 minutes.
   2) Most of us here are keen gamers – personally I played a lot of ‘Splosion Man (we referred to it on Twitter back in the day as “kind of like DKC for people who’d rather blow stuff up than befriend an ostrich”) until being stopped short by my own bumbling gamer rage. Comic Jumper has also provided many of what the kids call ‘lols’.
   3) Haven’t heard anything, and that’d better not happen before a Mr. Pants costume anyway.

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