Pantsboard Responses - May 2008

	May 2008's Burning Question: Which of the Disinformation Central (click here) storylines for the new Banjo game do you think is true?   Hey hey,      Rumour 5 of the Banjo conundrum is the clear winner. How would Grunty transform for number one? Also, I just don't see love between them ever :( Two is feasible, however I doubt there will be a Super Banjo Galaxy, and I doubt that Kazooie would be kidnapped for more than a tenth of the game or so. Otherwise, the tagline couldn't be: THE BEAR AND BIRD DUO ARE BACK AGAIN FOR SOME LOW GRAVITY EXPLOITS. I think rumour 3 is unlikely, since Grunty's Revenge already dealt with an alternate reality in the Banjo universe. Rumour 4 just sounds like rubbish! Anyways, I enjoyed and 100%ed those other 3 Banjo games, so I'm sure this one will be great. ...Unfortunately I don't have an Xbox 360, but I'll find a way to not miss out on this work of art (which it shall undoubtedly be)!      Angelo Lewis   I'd have to say number four. It's ridiculous, but it's not nearly as bad as the other possibilities. And at least four is:      1) An original story, not a copy of another game      2) Could work in the Banjo Universe      3) Is not one of the worst plots ever created.      Hoping I'm right,      Luke Schwiebert   The most glorious of greetings to you, Mr. Pants,      It's I, Mr. Patch. So let's start off with the question that's burning so hot that my tongue is bleeding: How are you? I know it's been a little while since you've answered any of our questions, and we haven't been updated on your status like we should have been. So, how's it going? Having a good time coming up with some run-around answers for these on-going Banjo questions? Well I hope you said "yes, oh quite!" because I have a theory to run by you and I hope that you will enjoy ensuring me that I'm right on the money. Or completely wrong in every way possible. So, my theory: Banjo goes back in time to retrieve this "T.I.T." when he winds up in Spiral Mountain. Only it's not the Spiral Mountain we know. It's some sort of Really-Really-Hot-Desert with cacti Spiral Mountain. Then, you know, he meets up with Kazooie and they go on to different worlds and meet all of the former bosses and characters from the other games. And all ends up happy and well and sunshine. END of THEORY.      So, what do you think? Am I right on the money, or am I falling in to an endless pit of wrong theories and bad ideas? Hmmm? Ehhhh? Ahhhh! Alright, Pants. I'm gone. Just let me know, you've got my digits. And a website.      Mr. Patch (Cameron Parker) You're some sort of honking crazy man! But at least you got the answer dead ri– oh wait. WRONG! Like Lex Luthor. But it's better when I do it, 'cos of the bristling facial hair, see? If only K. Spacey had cultivated 'Victorian chimney sweep's brush' upper lip fluff of his own in preparation for the part, he'd have been laughing. But no! You lose, K. Spacey!   Dear Mr. Panty Man Of Pants,      Some very interesting ideas there. To be honest it has to be number 3. I mean come on, Rumour 1, Banjo and Grunty fall in love? Doesn't Grunty have no head anymore? Even if she did have a super awesome, super sexy transformation she'd have no head. Kinda hard to fall in love with someone with no head, unless you're as stupid as urr, Banjo... Oh. But anyway, like it really matters which storyline gets used. It's the new Banjo. Banjo, on the 360! BTW really annoying that Conker or Banjo weren't playable charaters in Diddy Kong Racing DS. I know about all that shiz with Microsoft and stuff but still they were good on the N64 one.      Anyway that's my guess,      Robone (Robin)   As a winner of your past Banjo-Tooie contest I find myself more than qualified to determine the plot for your upcoming Banjo game. The secret lies in the strange riddle that appeared on the back of the autographed picture I received. It stated the following:      When Brown and Green Combine      Conker's Star will Shine      And the Spiral Mountain Deed      Will be given up by Greed      But please don't fret a bit      Just take a Ride on Grunty's T.I.T.      I've spent many a long night trying to decipher this riddle. Little did I know that your recent April Fool's Day post would be my Rosetta Stone. You did play a bit of a trick on us though, as four of your plot choices appear in the riddle and therefore must be correct. Rumour Five is the only one that is a fake. Ha.      A Loyal Banjo Fan   Okay so then, on one of your speculation Banjo-Threeie possibilities what does it mean by RTS is that the new FPS? Also on rumor 3 you basically did that in Banjo-Kazooie Grunty's Revenge so thats not likely is it? Four seems the most obvious but again doesn't quite grasp the concept of our information you leaked. Okay I have to admit four does seem to work the best. So did you make them all up?      Kazooienut You youngsters with your baseball caps and colloquialisms and short-term memories! Was Command and Conquer so long ago? RTS? Remember? And no, I didn't make them all up. I didn't make any of them up, I'm just collating the results, man. There's no need to hassle me and get me down.   Here are my theories in response to Disinformation Central 2008.      Rumour One: Clearly a fake. The good guy teaming up with the bad guy? Could you get more cliché?      Rumour Two: As soon as I read this I knew it was fake. This is supposed to be a parody of Super Mario Galaxy.      Rumour Three: NO! NO TIME PARADOXES! THEY MAKE FOR BAD GAMES!      Rumour Four: Hm.... I guess. Sounds familiar, but I am too lazy to look up what it could be.      Rumour Five: Don't you dare turn Banjo-Threeie into an RTS.      If I had to pick, either theory one or theory four.      Aaron Broder   Dear Mr. Pants,      The real plot BETTER not be Rumor 1!!! If it's Rumor 1 then I might not even BUY the game that I've been WAITING SO LONG FOR!!! I have great expectations (not the book) for this game and if it's Rumor 1 then I'll probably buy a copy JUST SO THAT I CAN BURN IT OR SMASH IT TO 1000 PIECES!!!!!! Maybe I'll even make a Rare piñata just so that I can BUST IT OPEN!!!! Using Rumor 1 would be the most MORONIC, MINDLESS, INSENSATE decision that Rare has ever made in regard to the most INIMITABLE video game series EVER RELEASED!!! If y'all want to be so JEJUNE and choose the most ABOMINABLE plot POSSIBLE then go right ahead with your THICK-HEADED decisions and just watch as Banjo fans all over EIGHTY-SIX the INADEQUATE excuse for a Banjo game!!!      Thank you, thesaurus!      Chewbacca   Grunty is reduced to a mechanical body, once again, she wants her old body back so she must steal the DNA of Banjo and Kazooie using a body making machine so can make a body out of theirs. She is stealing Banjo's and Kazooie's powers also. Banjo/Kazooie must stop Grunty from powering up her machine by collecting jiggies. Each jiggy they collect powers down Grunty's machine bit by bit. Once all 100 are collected, Banjo/Kazooie go to Grunty's lair and power the machine fully. Grunty is furious so she fights Banjo/Kazooie for full control of the Body Making Machine.      Ironstomach81 Oh man. Someone doesn't get it! Even if we were soliciting your ideas rather than asking you to choose between ours, we'd still only give yours 2/10.   I pick Door #4. Please say it isn't locked!      Door #1 would introduce weird fetishes into impressionable prepubescent boys if there was too much gratuitous fur on green skin action. Wait, Japan already took care of part of that.      Door #2's space theme would make me wish I was playing the PURE EVIL competitor's game. Unless the familiar face was Mr. Pants, there's lots of disturbing rearrangements of the It's Mr. Pants soundtrack, and lots of badly drawn enemies. I would be in total awe if Rare used the power of the 360 to make 3D worlds look like 2D messed up perspectives drawn by a disturbed five year old with a freshly opened 64 pack of crayola crayons. So maybe Door #2 isn't such a bad thing.      Door #3 would induce flashbacks of the Grunty's Revenge instruction booklet, which I believe mentioned something about time travel. I could be wrong since I never actually played the game, I usually buy Rare's games purely for the included literature. This door would also have the side effect of reminding me that I could be pursuing giant T.I.T.s in real life.      Door #5 would be my worst nightmare. I would keep screaming "I don't have teh strategery to play strategery games! All I had to do in prior bear games was know how to poke and gnash at my joystick and a plethora of buttons to navigate fanciful 3D worlds! Dear Pants why?!!" That exact phrasing like a banjillian times. I'd record the result and find some way to amplify the recording so that it would resonate throughout Twycross. Consider yourself warned.      So I chose Door #4 purely in hopes that you've created a worlds of imagination feature. If you can translate the imagination of each individual player into the actual game, what's there to complain about? Unless somebody doesn't have one. Hmm. Sorry Rare, you might as well cancel development right now, you can't win with any of the options. Unless Mr. Pants is involved--he's our only hope.      SmashBrosComics   I'm going to be very honest and use my little amount of skills of deduction to the greatest extent! Let's get started!      Plot 1: Banjo and Grunty are not going to fall in love... that's just... no.      Plot 2: You can't have Bear and Bird without the bird. No no no...!      Plot 3: "– in pursuit of the witch's giant T.I.T." The plot itself sounds believable, but the innuendo gives it away that you guys are just messing with us. Plus I don't want to relearn everything and meet Kazooie all over again! No! I hate flashbacks! I like progress! I don't want to pretend like all the progress made from the last two games don't matter any more!      Plot 4: This sounds like some cartoon episode or something.      Plot 5: The 3rd of anything, whether it being a game or movie, is known to be the most climactic of the previous two. (Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Spiderman 3, Halo 3, etc. etc. etc.) So I can really believe a war is to break out in Banjo-Threeie. Plus Banjo is holding a crown type thing in the Christmas painting, and in this plot everyone looks to Banjo to lead.      If one of these really is true, I'm betting it's the 5th one. It sounds so badass too!! The rest don't sound like they'd be very fun...      I'm being honest. So please be honest with me, but at the same time go easy on me. :[      Atran Rekon You don't ask for much, do you, Aslan? Our ideas are rubbish but that's okay because you're being honest? Omega Doom! You're wrong. You're wrong, and you probably smell of bins. Hey, just being honest! And I don't know what innuendo you're talking about either.   To the one only known as "Mr. Pants,"      Before I go into each of the Banjo 3 rumors, I just want to ask why can't the game be called "Banjo-Kazooie 360?" It's just about perfect: It's simple, the "3" is consistent with the numerical sequence, it's reminiscent of its Nintendo beginnings (the whole "64" thing), and there's no subtitle like Grunty's Revenge. (If you do name it "Banjo-Kazooie 360", I want to be credited, but not paid. Unless you want to pay me, in which case you already know my address. ;-) )      Anyway... Rumor #1: False. All I had to read was "Sexy post-transformation Grunty makes a return...." Post-transformation Grunty would only be sexy if she was never buried for two years and decomposed into a skeleton. An alternate timeline would fix this, but since the new game (presumably) follows the same timeline, it's pretty much impossible to pull off. And she's just a head, anyway.      Rumor #2: False. Way too similar to Super Mario Galaxy. I doubt Rare would sink so low (or even sink at all) to the point of ripping off another game. It was acceptable in the 90's, but nowadays clones don't get praise at all. It would be nice to see who the "familiar face" is, though. Couldn't be Tiptup, as he was in a game in 2007, which seems too recent to be considered "archived". A BattleToad, possibly?      Rumor #3: False. Not only would the ESRB wonder what besides "E" to rate a game where the plot is searching for a giant T.I.T., but it's also already been done before in the Banjo series. Why bother making practically the same game again but with better graphics and new content? Wait...      Rumor #4: True! This is the one I'm looking forward to. The plot seems legit, and the blueprints on the teaser site lean toward this one. The "higher power" could send Banjo and Grunty into "worlds of imagination", a realm where Grunty can be more than just a skull, bringing Grunty back as well as having a new villain. The higher power could also be referenced by the crown (if it is one) that Banjo's holding in the holiday wallpaper image and why he doesn't seem too excited about it. And the worlds of imagination could be levels that the player creates from decisions made before entering them, this being the hook that makes this the unique game it's mentioned of being as well as explaining why it would take longer for some people to collect certain Jiggies than others.      Rumor: #5: False. Banjo becoming a reluctant leader would be pretty cool, but Banjo already has enough recognition to be elected leader of anything in Spiral Mountain, and just mentioning "RTS-platformer hybrid campaign" says to me that it strays too far from traditional Banjo games. It would make a great minigame, though.      So, there it is. If only one of these has to be true, Rumor 4 is it because it's the only one with even slightly possible proof and enough of it to seem convincing as the plot for the next great Rare game. 4 seems the most truthful, but knowing Rare, the true plot could be something else entirely, even something not on the list.      Spelling "Rumor" without 2 Us because Mozilla tells me to,      Bryan Skinner   Hello Dearest and Most Sneaky (But Also Despicably Cruel) Rare,      After being taunted and teased by your little April Fools fun, I believe I may actually have a somewhat clear idea of which one is true. My guesswork points to Rumour Five, because of three pieces of evidence.      #1: Banjo being a "reluctant leader". In your Christmas card, Banjo is seen holding a crown as a present, and seems none too pleased about it. Perhaps he's been granted kingship over Spiral Mountain? This would fit Rumour Five perfectly!      #2: Something that Mr. Mayles had previously stated, that the game wasn't going to be a "traditional platformer", but we'd know more about why it wasn't one later. Obviously traditional platformers don't include RTS elements. Yet again, Rumour Five!      #3: Everything else is just too crazy!      If you guys don't respond to this, I'll take it as sheer proof that you can't print my obviously flawless analysis, or that you just hate me.      Tterbo I'm a lover, not a hater. You might be as wrong as Mickey Rourke's mush, but hate is a strong word. You really are massively wrong though. It's all too crazy, he says! And that was before he saw the stuff about the hovercrafts and the aeroplanes and Mumbo in the garage! Who's laughing now, Twin Turbo?   I'm sending this to talk about the four possible plotlines for the new Banjo game. Five could be pulled off if done like Battalion Wars. You would switch between characters on the fly to get to new areas and kill enemies for jiggies and notes. Old levels could appear devastated by the battles. Your strategy could make getting some jiggies easier. New strategic moves could be learned from Bottles (too bad Jamjars is confirmed to be out.) If the machine theories are correct, Bottles could even make some for you. Mumbo could transform you into more powerful fighters. Of course, my theory wouldn't work on the overworld. I assume that Banjo and Kazooie would just control normally and open the doors to new areas.      Meowth222   I have come to answer your burning question of which choice better, or better not, be right as the plot of Banjo Needs-a-namie.      I have pondered over each of the five choices, and have come to the conclusion that choice three is the only believable plot. Firstly, I sincerely doubt that it is the last one, seeing as how you yourself stated that you did not want to make another FPS. Even though the idea of a FPS combined with a platformer could be innovative, I don't think you want to make a Banjo version of a Conker game.      Additionally, although it sounds like something that would happen only in a Banjo game, I don't think the bear is coming out of retirement for number four. I feel it is a little bit too farfetched to make a good plot for a 10-year anniversary sort of game. And as much as I love the idea of Wizpig or Mr. Pants or Rash abducting Kazooie, I think that one is just a poke at a certain recently released space-themed platformer.      That leaves options one and three. While there have been hints towards the game featuring a fire theme, I don't think Grunty would ever want to team up with Banjo after what he did to her in past games. Unless, of course, she turned around and stabbed him in the back at the end of the game. While that could happen, I believe number three has a much better chance. The plot makes more sense than some of the other choices, and it would explain the vast amount of returning characters and locations. Plus, I like the idea of Banjo in the past. It gives him a chance to screw something up that would have happened in the future.      No No No, Wrong Way!   Dear Pantsboard:      Rumor 1: Fire-breathing foe? Grunty head in fire? I doubt this though, because Grunty is still bones.      Rumor 2: LOL Super Mario Galaxy parody (most likely). Since the cosmos means entirely new places, old worlds probably won't be returning. Thus, this is highly unlikely.      Rumor 3: ROFL at topic sentence. Since you guys [Rare] said that there'd be innuendo in this one, this is likely. Even more likely because SM would be returning in pristine condition, and maybe some old worlds too.      Rumor 4: How can Spiral Mountain return in an undamaged state if it's trying to be remodeled?      Rumor 5: Certainly not rated E.      3 is the most likely. It's probably not though because you guys like to make false leads.      Sincerely and such,      BlueBanjo109 Trying the old reverse psychology trick on us, eh? Except you've done it a bit wrong. When you've decided that one of the options is "probably not" the right one, why stick to it, fella? It's like when I decided that the 'Fat Man's Thong' range of designer undercrackers was "probably not" such a good addition to my portfolio after all, but I'd ordered in too much fake Taiwanese silk to give up on the idea. Now I can't get into my garage past the 500 boxes of unwanted chubster pants! Mercy!   Hi guys,      I've always been a huge fan of your games and can't wait for the new Banjo-Kazooie game. I read all the possible storylines you put up on April Fools Day and I reckon that none of them are going to be the actual storyline. The first one about Grunty and Banjo falling in love just wouldn't work, she's done way too many bad things for him to forgive. The second idea sounds way too like Super Mario Galaxy, so I'd guess Microsoft wouldn't want you to do that.      You've already done a game where Banjo has to go back in time and re-introduce himself to Kazooie before Grunty stops everything, although I did like the T.I.T. idea. You couldn't really make a game about Banjo stopping people building tower blocks and malls and I think most people who've played Banjo for years would hate it if you turned the game into a RTS-platformer hybrid thing.      Come on Rare, tell us some real information about the new game, we've hardly had any info for two years now.      Tom   hi mr pants      i would now say that the time interfearing truck would be awsome, kazooie abdocted by aleans is banjo galixy, banjo in love with gruntey? eew no , no banjo wars and last but not least, i would pick a t.i.t over a spiral mountan deed war but it would be cool.      see ya later.      jondv   My take on the Banjo rumours:      1. I'd hope not. Sexual tension in Banjo? It isn't like that stupid anime crap I hear about, is it?      2. Eh, I already played something like that. Plus bears aren't in repetitive games that get old fast and only leave room for a game that seems like a step back.      3. T.I.T.? Sounds reasonable.      4. Yes. I think this one is the most likely. No other game has a plot like this that I know of and it seems ridiculous and funny enough to be in a Banjo game.      5. I could also believe this one if the RTS gameplay was very very minimal and the war was not serious business. And also if it didn't involve Spiral Mountain being a post-apocalyptic city or "Spiral Mountain: Ground Zero".      Unless of course the whole rumour thing is to survey fans and see which they would like best, you dastardly bunch! But that would mean you hadn't done much work in actually creating the game... hmm... Or maybe as the announcement suggests, you are just that mean.      Max Hey! If we were mean, we'd have taken Mr. 'Jondv' out the back, beaten him with a hose and squirted silly string in his eyes after that last excuse for a letter. And even that wouldn't really be mean, it'd be HARD JUSTICE. Credit to you for acknowledging that the T.I.T. "sounds reasonable" though, I know the team thought so. And you were right as well! 2D high five, Max Danger!   Seems those folks at Rare have decided to spare Loveday the different theories and have you endure the brunt instead, my Lord.      While all five stories are those that have good potential, some have more validity than others. I can't see number 2 happening, unless you want crap from critics about how you took Super Mario Galaxy's concept and made it better. Neither can I see number 5 happening, since you did nearly the same concept with Conker: Live & Reloaded. Number 1, as a friend of mine has noted, "sounds like horribly bad fanfiction". Plus all the interspecies lovin'? Not for me.      That leaves rumours three and four. The fourth rumor, while it would certainly explain Banjo's new look and the implications that things have changed drastically in these last eight years, just doesn't sound like epic story material.       Which leaves rumour three the rumour for me: A successor to the dearly disactivated B.O.B., mixed with the quotes that we'd be seeing old locations return once more, brings me hope that the concept of Grunty's Revenge will be brought out to a more accessible audience. I hope that the game will be more than five hours long, however.      Mark "darkmark8" Mazzei   'Lo there, Mr. Pants. Wanted to throw out my thoughts on this whole Disinformation thing... probably won't be right at all, but hey!      Rumor #1 – Really seems unlikely to me, purely for the idea of Banjo falling in love with sexy Grunty. Now, obviously, it's possible he wouldn't recognize her (if he did fall in love with her KNOWING that she was Grunty, that'd be even worse) and if he didn't, well, I'll admit it'd make for something interesting... but I don't want heartbroken Banjo, dangit, and we all know it would happen. And a "fiery foe"? Hmm...      Rumor #2 – Also seems quite unlikely, especially since it seems to have been implied that the new thing won't be outer-space physics. Still, seeing an old Rare character 'turned to the green side' would be amazing in my book.      Rumor #3 – Quite similar to GR, although different enough that it could work, plus T.I.T. seems exactly like the kind of innuendo that'd be hiding in a Banjo game. Also I could see some nice plays on Back to the Future with this. Re-learning their moves in a whole new way kind of fits with the confirmation that not ALL the moves will be returning, too. This is one of the ones I'm thinking is likely.      Rumor #4 – Seems like an awesome idea, to me. Though... I'd have to wonder who this "capricious higher power" would be... Eh. Anyway... this one has a very Banjo feel to it I think, and is one of the ones I'm rooting for.      Rumor #5 – I'm split on this one. It seems like it could be done (and I'll admit, the idea of a platformer/RTS hybrid has me intrigued), but at the same time it just seems a little... off. Still, I wouldn't be disappointed if this was it (long as it was done right, but hey, what CAN'T be done down at Rare? Heh).      Anyway, s'just how I see things. It's getting late as I type this so I'm gonna wrap it up here. Later.      Larry (Bottles98)   Go, go Pantsboard!      I'm ready. Deep breath.      It's so, totally going to be the fourth story. Fits with the drawings and crazy cogs on the teaser website. There's going to be some mad bad guy sending Banjo into his own imagination, with some tap-dancing pencil drawing it all.      And the coolest thing about the game being set in somebody's imagination? You can come up with the oddest of new roles for your past characters. Mumbo's obviously a rapper now. Bling, man! Jolly Roger is worshipped as a God, and runs around in a Nabnut costume. Gruntilda? Well, she floats around on an umbrella, just like Mary Poppins.      And I'm gonna take a guess and say your new gameplay element is a MMC (Massive, MASSIVELY Changing) Spiral Mountain that randomly generates with various parts of levels from your previous Banjo games. That's why some jiggies are going to take varying amounts of time to obtain for different players. See? Different world (and experience) for everyone.      Hope I haven't scared you too much. May the power of the Pantsboard be with us all.      SummerSky Such high ambitions, but it turns out Mumbo's actually become a grease monkey while Jolly Roger's been reduced to lurking in alleys soliciting business... for a change. Nevertheless, the power of the Pantsboard is always with you, my son. Or possibly daughter. Sorry, lady! You look like a bloke!   Hey y'all,      Been a fan of Banjo and Kazooie since ten years ago (I can hardly believe it). Can't wait for their newest outing, though I was one of those ungrateful what-have-yous who much preferred the first game to the second.      #1--I'd kill for this to be true, but I feel like the Christmas card kinda rules it out.      #2--nah, too much like Mario Galaxy.      #3--okay, but it seems a bit like Grunty's Revenge with the whole time travel dealy. Plus could the ESRB really ignore T.I.T.?      #4--yeah, this seems in line with the Banjo team's anti-industry/anti-factory attitude. See: Clanker's Cavern, Rusty Bucket Bay, Grunty Industries, an entire world in DKC, etc. I call this the most likely.      #5--I call "no way" on the RTS aspect.      #1, #3, and #4 seem like they *could* happen, but I think #4 is the most likely.      Devin   Dear Sir Mr Pantsy,      Firstly I loved you in Banjo-Tooie, your acting was very powerful and brought much emotion on my and my family's part. Now to the deciding which one will be the real plot.      I will firstly eliminate the one where Banjo returns from retirement to save his home from being redeveloped because although that would be hilarious it would not be in keeping with Kazooie or Tooie.      Secondly, I think a platform RTS hybrid would be completely wrong for Banjo and I would have to get my own Jinjo tanks on you... and yes I do know where you live.      Next I doubt that Banjo would fall in love with Grunty as he learnt all of her disgusting habits in Banjo-Kazooie and there is the added problem of her many attempts on his and his friends' lives.      There are two which could be true, the one in the past with Grunty's T.I.T. sounds too much like Grunty's Revenge and that would be lazy. The other in space sounds most likely and the character on the green side would probably be King K. Rool but this one sounds like it's got lawsuit from Nintendo all over it.      Or you could use number six where Grunty has a new plan where she gets King K. Rool to kidnap Humba Wumba with an airplane with Grunty on the wing shouting her demands but Mumbo fires a magic blast at her before anyone can react and unfortunately Humba falls out and dies. But the machine from Banjo-Tooie happens to have been sold to Captain Blubber which he converted into Jet Skis.      Greatno (Greater than you though) You people making up your own ideas – that's not how it works. Not unless we do a Pantsboard before we've even properly started a game asking you what the plot should be, and suggesting that you include Nintendo-owned characters in your outline just to make life difficult for everyone. And can you see that happening, amigo? Rare is perfectly capable of making up rubbish storylines of its own... oh man! That's not what I meant to say. It's still true though!   The hunt for Gruntilda's giant T.I.T. sounds by far like the most reasonable of all of the answers. It is the perfect, quirky Rare humor that only THEY could sneak into an E game without even getting a 10+ slapped on it. From the Christmas wallpaper, we know that Grunty hasn't been transformed into anyone attractive and at least two of the other options sound too close to other titles to really make any sense in today's market, so I'll be putting my money on the T.I.T.      Insert Coin(s) to Continue   Dear Mr. Pants.      Almost all of these ideas suck (or are just not original) and I have no idea why you would want to go and change our favorite Bear and Bird and make them generals to fight in a turn-based strategy game. Grunty and Banjo falling in love!?! What kind of world is this!?! I do not accept. And about the time machine, that just told me a whole lot about the game. *cough*Innuendo*cough* If you do choose one of these, go with the T.I.T. idea, but don't turn it into *Groan* Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty's Revenge.      Luke, the geek   The Banjo Disinformation was a genius way of giving us Rare fans a clue to what Banjo 3's plot will be. All five of the brief summaries sounded hilarious. I wish each one could be a plot of a Banjo game, but I'm content knowing that one of these "rumors" will come to fruition in Banjo 3. I must admit that it's fun being teased like this when it's straight from the developer's mouth (insider/journalist teasing usually ends in disappointment and heartbreak).      And, while I have your attention, let me just throw a general thank you your way. Rare, thank you so much you incredibly talented/intelligent/sexy group of people. My love of you started with Donkey Kong Country (as a 4 year old), continuing with Diddy Kong Racing, GoldenEye, Banjo-Kazooie, Donkey Kong 64, Jet Force Gemini, Conker's Bad Fur Day, Star Fox Adventures, Kameo and most recently Viva Piñata. I'm so thankful that I have been able to experience all these great titles over my childhood and as I go into my adulthood (I'm nearly 18) I look forward to continue playing all your great games. Thank you and keep up the marvelous work!      Andrew Garcia      PS: Banjo remakes on XBLA please, thanks! I'm not going to comment on the relative benefits of being teased by a developer's mouth rather than a journalist's mouth. But what's with you thanking this "group of people"? How could I have come joint 23rd in the last series of Mastermind on my specialist subject of Y-Fronts Throughout History, 1955-1975 if I hadn't monopolised all the smarts, savvy and sexy around here? You're also under arrest for playing Conker's Bad Fur Day at the age of 11 – that's not right, man.   Please let the first rumor be true! It's such a bizarre mix of cute, wrong, and unpredictable that I can't see anything else work.      Of course, I'm pretty sure that what actually ends up happening in this game will still be something none of us would expect anyway. Just as long as there's no evil twin brother of Banjo named after a foreign musical instrument or anything overdone like that!      Cammiluna   Rumor 3 must be true. The other ones were just ridiculous! And please Rare - don't disappoint your Banjo fans (like me) with Rumor 5! That would be awful!!!!      Well, I hope we get a good quality Banjo game. Can't wait for the release!      Take care,      B-Kpianist      PS. It's basically the only reason I'm getting a 360 ;)   I would like to see Idea number 1, as it would require you guys to make a whole alternate canon Banjoverse where Grunty managed to actually take Tooty's beauty, won the battle against Banjo, and never died.      ParadoxAuthor   Well, Rumor One is too Sonic Adventure 2... Rumor Two is too Super Mario Galaxy... Rumor Three's "T.I.T." reaches a remarkable new level of unsubtlety, even for a series with a gay frog pub that offers "Seaman's Surprise..." So, yes, I'm now torn between whether Banjo grapples with the legalities of imminent domain, or commands Jinjos to shoot people. That's a decision I'm afraid I can't make.      Aaron Goodier I don't think anyone would need to command the Jinjos to shoot people. Haven't you seen the terrible existential darkness in the depths of their eyes? It'd give you the chills, Goodfellas. Which leaves the exciting legalities plotline! Yay! Watch out for Klungo's no-holds-barred Windows Excel accountancy minigame, it's a beast.   After reading the five rumors, I've decided to go with rumor three. I like the idea of Grunty messing around with the past. It would also explain the presence of levels and characters from the previous games. Rumor one doesn't seem like a good choice to me. I can't see Banjo and Grunty teaming up. Grunty's remark at the end of Tooie pretty much disproves this rumor. Rumor two is more likely than rumor one, but I honestly don't think the game would work very well without Kazooie playable. Also, biased critics would accuse Banjo-Needsanamie of being a "Super Mario Galaxy clone". We don't need that now, do we? Rumor four would have to be my second choice. It would explain why Banjo looks like he does. Rumor five seems plausible. Due to the beatings given to her by Banjo and Kazooie, it makes sense that Grunty would wage war on them.      Old_Buzzard   Dear Rareware,      That possible plot for the next B-K game where Banjo and Grunty fall in love is just plain wrong! Also I'm getting really fed up you guys constantly leading us on. Don't you think we have suffered enough? Also, what could possibly be the purpose of having a B-K 3 website if you don't put anything on it?      Jimdotbeep   It’s been a very long time since I last wrote to you. I can’t remember when exactly, but it’s been a good few years. I hope you and yours are well.      Now that all the April Fools shenanigans are over and done with, it’s time to sit and postulate over your Disinformation Central update. Don’t worry, I’m not going to harass you for details on which one is true. Everyone else will be doing it, so I thought I’d try a different line of questioning... my personal belief is that you’re being a little bit sly, and have liberally sprinkled some plot threads that are true across most, if not all, of the five rumours.      So, we’ve got Grunty and Banjo teaming up to face a greater foe, who just happens to be a familiar face from the Rare archives. K. Rool anyone? The Banjo / DKC games have crossed paths before, so unless some contractual ‘Nintendo now owns K. Rool as he’s part of the DK franchise so Nintendo won’t let us within 25 feet of him’ silliness stops it all, this could be a viable theory, yeah? By the way, the whole Banjo / Grunty love affair thing is something I’m choosing to ignore; horrible mental images from that particular union are still playing on my mind.      Right then, Banjo and Grunty use her T.I.T. to leapfrog through time like some sugar-coated version of Back To The Future where Banjo meets himself and starts to fade away because it turns out he's actually his own great-grandfather. All of this takes place while a huge war in the present day rages between the Jinjos and the Kremlings in an RTS / platformer hybrid that culminates in a climactic battle at the foot of Spiral Mountain with Banjo waving a sword around and shouting heroically dumb things like ‘Freedom!’, ‘There can be only one!’ and ‘Guh-huh!’... can you comment on that at all? Even a reply saying I’ve got too much time on my hands would be better than nothing.      What did you think of the April Fool’s jokes that the fan sites... er... joked? Firestorm Cauldron now seems well and truly crap in the cold light of day, but it did have a few people going for about five minutes, but the Stop N Swop (the only time I’ll mention this mangled car wreck of a topic, I promise) website was a work of genius.      Oh well, best be off. Bye.      Paul Y'know, nobody even bothered demanding to know which one was true. A few people accused us of lying like dirty, horrible, lying liars – yourself included – but that was as far as the harassment went. And as for a comment on your theory... "brimming over with wrongability" ought to do it? That's way too much like a real plot to be included in a Banjo game and you know it, mister!   When I first stumbled across Disinformation Central, I was learning towards Rumor (Yeah, yeah. American spelling, sue me.) 3. However, I later realized that the prospect of another time-travel Banjo game seems a little redundant. And since we were told in a recent Scribes that Banjo Threeie's gameplay would be "like no Banjo game (or game in general) before it", I'm assuming the plot will have to be fairly unique, too.      That's why I now stand by Rumor 4. The "worlds of imagination" could be related to the blue pencil shown in the initial trailer, and imagination could also be the reason behind Banjo's new, awkward appearance.      RawkHawk2010   The gimmick behind Banjo 3 is that you can "change channels" while playing. So, if you change to the SciFi channel in the game, the world will be UFO and zombie themed.      The plot, is that Grunty sues Banjo in court, and turns Spiral Mountain into her own city.      You can change channels anytime, except for a few certain areas.      A few of the channels are: SciFi, pirate themed, phone-in pledge, and a silent movie channel.      Trent Dahmer   i thing all of does storys are all bad and sucks really i thing grunty shond be bad and come back again and some thing like part 2 and we shond know about sns and we shond know wand the game well be out and ps my name is steve      Stevembrooklyn   Dear Pantsboard Editor,      Please, give us some slack. Do you honestly expect us to believe that any of those plots are true (the T.I.T one maybe. Though, that would be too similar to GBA Banjo game). Anyway, why would you go with such plots. They don't make since and have nothing to do with Banjo's past. It has to be an April fools joke yet at the same rate if talking about it being an joke [somewhat] then it would make since that it wouldn't be...... or......... you know what, we'll have to wait and see.      Nick Actually I don't know what, Nick m'boy, because too many of you people ain't makin' a lick of sense. That's 'sense', with an 'e' and an 's'. Look at me! I'm a shambolic stick man and even I take the time to proofread my emails! What's your story? You'd better not be a shambolic stick man too, there's only room for one of us around here and I'd hate to have to take you down, High Noon stylee.   I believe it's the fourth one Mr. Pants. My reason for this believing is that, well... Banjo needs a new house. That's pretty much the only connection from the last game possible. So Im picturing the game starting off with Banjo building a new 3 story mansion (I mean the guy has money now from being a videogame star, why live modestly after all ;P) and the higher power listed, gives Grunty her power back (since she is extremely weakened by her two defeats).      Mr Pants, if you could confirm this I don't know what I'd do for you. In fact I'll buy you an excellent pair of pants so you don't have to keep wearing that cruddy red underwear thing you've had on for years. It will be beautifully tailored pants, to make you good for the ladies (or lads, whichever you prefer in this politically correct world).      Thanks,      DYNAMITE   To the chap in the red undergarments;      How nice of you to create the rumors for us this time! They're probably better than anything we could come up with anyhow. But, to the point; Rumor Three obviously makes the most sense! (Well, I mean, for the BK series, that is.) It plays off of Grunty's obvious love of acronyms, and (let's face it) when you say "The duo must reintroduce themselves and relearn everything they know in a completely new way!" it's a dead giveaway. Unless you mysteriously managed to make the 360 compatible with N64 controllers, Banjo and Kazooie are obviously going to need to re-learn all of the previous games' moves (oi, that'll be a chore...). Also I just sort of fancy this one because I've always wondered how the two met--as with most games, BK has never had much backstory to it.      Somehow I don't think Banjo is shallow enough to lead to the plot in Rumor One. Rumor Two would be amusing--especially since it would obviously be a spin-off of Star Wars--but playing half the game without Kazooie just wouldn't make it the same. Rumor Four sounds like a bad engineering school final. Banjo had never had any vaguely war-like elements--that means we can discard #5. Of course I could be completely wrong, none of these are right, and this has all been a giant set up for a laugh at my expense. (Yes mine, I know you all hate me and my incessant emails).      Cheers anyhow,      Mirage "BK~GiRL" Nice try with the controller stuff, but a bit literal, non? Maybe the story of Banjo and Kazooie's first meeting could be the basis for another amazing Banjo-Kazooie mobile phone game in the future – everyone loves them babies! And we're all about the love around here. Let's put aside these terrible accusations of hate and, you know, heal the world and all that malarkey. One love, sister   Show me round your fruit cage! Time's up, end of the game. We got quite a few good guesses along the way, and a wide range of arse-backward misfires as well. If you didn't go for Rumour Four, you were teh wrong: congrats and a brief celebratory Indian head dance (ah, my glorious animated GIF days) to those who got it right.      That's it from me, chum buckets! Until next time – whether it's before or after the release of the freaky vehicular bear game – sayonara, arrivederci and cheap pork scratchings for everyone! Bagsy all the hairy ones!

	Pantsboard Responses - May 2008