Scribes - May 9, 2008

Scribes – May 9, 2008

It's the stupid Rare letters page! Send us your mail! Looking good hanging with the wild bunch, looking good in a buffalo stance!

Greetings Scribes,

     I've heard you are a small start-up chocolate-maker looking to take on Cadbury. Well, I've got news for you. Your paper animals filled with chocolate aren't enough to take down our empire! That's right, you Smarty-hugging freaks. We're already planning on rolling out our chocolate houses this Easter (or, um, later than the next Scribes). Cheap and affordable housing that'll take you months to eat through. Beat that.
     Oh! And about the other side of your business:
     - Will Rare or Microsoft push for a plush of the new-look Banjo? Rap, yo.
     - Are bosses going to play a big part in Banjo 3, or will it be more like the original game, with only one main boss?
     - Can we have a level that parodies Mario Galaxy's planets, please?
     - Any customisable elements in the game?
     - Has Rare got any development barns where they create mutant, monster farm animals?
     - Is there a pet cat that roams the offices?
     So hey! Thanks for your time,
     The Chocolate Sheep

Smarty-huggers, eh? That looks wrong. What is the singular form of Smarties? Smarty or Smartie? You've upset my balance. While I go off to have a think about this, here's Gregg to talk about Banjo. (Oh no! – Microsoft PR)
     "Some new plush Banjos would be nice, as the old ones are starting to look a bit dusty after a decade. The original plush Banjos were pretty good (and free), but more entertaining were the 'slightly inaccurate' mutant prototypes we rejected (but kept anyway).
     "Bosses: the boss has told us that if we don't hurry up and get Banjo finished soon it's going to be 'Chinese Burns' for all of us. Not sure what power-up we're going to have to collect to defend against that.
     "Mario Galaxy: of course you can! We have also included Mario's backpack from Sunshine, cut-scenes from Ratchet & Clank and an MMO mini-game like World of Warcraft. That's why it's taking us forever to finish the game, so stop asking!
     "Customisable elements: yes we maybe don't. Please customise this answer as you see fit.
     "Barns: no, we've just got development barns where mutant, monster farm animals masquerade as employees.
     "Pet cat: no, but the Banjo team did have a pet mouse. Sadly it had to go when it started getting a bit greedy and climbed into people's cupboards to eat their stash of compulsory unhealthy snacks that all developers must have as part of their contract. We also have plenty of 'pet' rabbits and squirrels that roam the grounds until they get run over on the drive." And Raredog! Don't forget Raredog. Mind, I haven't seen him for a while, maybe he got flattened too.

Dear Rarebear,

     See I already made a funny. I am pretty much continuing the trend and shouting out my love to you and every series of games you have ever made. Banjo is my soul mate and I hope to one day have little cubs with him. Anyway, like everyone else in the world, I am insanely siked for the new BK game. My question to the legendary Rare gods is if there is any remote chance that Banjo-Kazooie or Banjo-Tooie will appear playable on the Xbox 360 anytime ever? The greatest thing in the world would be to have a bonus disc or something with the first two games playable. I of course have them both on cartridge but if for some reason I have one too many drinks and accidentally snack on my N64 collection, then what?
     Thank you and stay sober.
     Mike Taibleson

That would be the greatest thing in the world? Really? Maybe we should look into it, I don't think any of us fully appreciated the significance. And how am I supposed to make it through our Steven Seagal marathons if I stay sober?
The team would like to know: "How much are you willing to pay for this? If a sufficient amount arrives at the Rare stronghold in an envelope marked 'Banjo Team Fan Mail', then we'll consider it. Once we have sobered up, of course."
PS I think the word is 'psyched'. My thanks to Ant and Dec for that. Watch us wreck the mic – PSYCHE.

Dear Extreme Scribes-o-Matic Typing Machine Deluxe (Patent Pending),

     Hey all you nice people at Rare slaving away on a hot keyboard to crunch a whole bunch of codes, numbers, and polygons into a disc just to make a few people with nothing to do and a desperate need to make a bear with a bird in his backpack do somersaults happy... you're so nice! I know you're probably sick of the Banjo info questions, so I'll only ask a couple.
     1. I'd REALLY like some kind of screen shot... I know that after a year or more of working on the game you can at least make an estimate of what the game will look like and have one of your more underpaid employees scratch it on to a napkin with a colored pencil.
     2. Is Mumbo going to be a playable character again? I guess I don't really care that much, Mumbo's 15 minutes in Banjo-Tooie weren't as fun as playing as the bear and bird, but I guess it added a little... hmmm... "something something" to the game that would make the average American soil their pants. I know I did, because Mumbo is my favorite character.
     Thanks for reading and if you put this on the next Scribes I swear I'll do everything in my power to make sure you get 100 billion dollars!
     Scab

1) I've seen a demo. I can help. I think you knew this was coming and you've only got yourself to blame.
2) If the part that made people soil their pants was the least fun part, what happened when they played the rest of it? You're right, I'm just stalling to avoid giving Gregg questions that can only end in a spanking from the PR and Marketing people. You'll have to play it for yourself to find it out if you get to control Mumbo, Humba Wumba, Blackeye, Captain Blubber or even Helpo in an exciting crossover from It's Mr. Pants. It's genuinely being considered! No, I'm lying. I'll still take the 100 billion though.

Don't dizzle the Fizzle, you jizzle shizzle

Hey, Fantastico-Scribers...

     I was sternly against the Xbox when it first arrived, but changed my view once I heard you guys were going to be making some games on it. It's almost like having Nintendo's little (yet partly superior in my opinion) brother.
     Viva Piñata... does everybody hate it because it's not 'realistic'? I thought that was the point of games? VP is possibly the best Sim City-esque game out there for the 360. The one thing that did disappoint me was not being able to see any of the island! I bought the game expecting to see the rest of the island and being able to build some houses on the beach for my Fizzlybear (aptly named Banjo). So, now that the cat's out of the bag for your next VP, more island space please? Don't get me started on Pester's revenge... PIÑATA BASHING!!!!!
     Fairly short letter. Thanks for listening!
     Will

The cat's out of the bag? They only said they were working on a new game, man. If there is a cat, it's still largely contained within the bag. Maybe one of its back legs just dangled out for a couple of seconds. Let's see what Justin has to say as a follow-up.
     "Everyone hates Viva Piñata? I'm so depressed I don't think I can answer any more questions...
     "Oh go on then. If we ever make another Viva Piñata game I think we'd definitely want to see a bit more of the island too. I wonder if Ryan has drawn it?"
     Turns out he has, kind of: there's a big aerial view of the island that was part of the in-game storybook sequence. I've been hassling him to turn it into a nice bit of wallpaper. Until this week he only sat a couple of desks away from me, so I thought it'd be pretty easy to whittle him down – then he disappeared to join another team overnight. We miss you, Ryan. You were like family, man.

G'day to whoever answers these email submissions to Scribes,

     I've always been a big Banjo fan, and have considered the 2nd to be my favorite game EVER. I just love all the hidden humour, and great gameplay. Now that that's out of the way, on to business. I'm recently having an interest in the 3D modeling type of job, and out of pure curiosity, what kind of program are you guys using for your newer games like Kameo (that game was awesome by the way, sequel please?), Viva Piñata, and of course Teh New Banjo Game. Oh and one other question, what's your guys' explanation of Grunty living after A) getting all of her skin/vital organs/muscles/etc. removed, and B) having nothing but a head?
     Thankee,
     Gamer4250

OMG IT IZ TEH GAMER4250 H0W R U DOIN D00D#~111
     Here's Gregg to address your compliments and concerns:
     "Why, thank you. At least one person appreciated the long nights I spent on the unnecessarily complex worlds and tacked-on FPS sections!
     "A) We blew all our Grunty polygon budget on her 'realistic' skeleton so we couldn't afford to give her a body.
     "B) We had to reduce her to a head as we had already thought up a cool way of using it in eight years' time once we had finished messing around with haunted houses and paper animals."
     And let's just run that one remaining question about modelling software past our Head of Art: "Autodesk Maya. About £4k." Yes, that's four grand, not four quid. Sorry.

Dear Editor,

     I have been a Rare fan for a good chunk of my life and DKC2 remains close to my heart but when the Banjo-Kazooie 3 trailer came out my heart sank due to not having a 360. As of last week I now have one along with Kameo and Viva Piñata, two games which I have been interested in for quite a while!
     Rare is one of the companies that has inspired me to become involved in video game development and I believe that they are proof that games do not necessarily lose their enjoyability as they age. I've seen that Battletoads seems to be a running joke on the Scribes page yet I only got to play it recently for the first time not long ago and was surprised by the fluency and diversity of gameplay that it offered, even back on the NES.
     Anyway, since questions seem to be the convention for these messages:
     1) What is the main motivation behind the Banjo style change? It seems to be more stylised yet somewhat more mature. The N64 but more-so the Gamecube got a reputation for "kiddy" games and this is an image only now that the Wii is seeming to shake off. I hope that the change in design is not to cast off this prejudice but instead just due to the increased graphical abilities of the 360 that enable this style. I am probably somewhat nostalgic about the original design but I still feel that it was impressive for its day and that it is still very enjoyable visually.
     2) Does the Pretztail's victory laugh have some connection with Grunty or Kazooie? I have heard that Viva Piñata has some references to Banjo-Kazooie (among other Rare games) but I was reminded quite a lot of the speech sounds from it once my Pretztail decided that my Sparrowmint looked tasty.
     I can understand if this e-mail is too long to respond to but I've had a large affection for Rare for a long time (from the SNES days) and so an e-mail like this is long overdue. With my first two Xbox games both being from Rare and BK3 easily being my most highly anticipated game for the 360, I think it's quite clear that this affection has not diminished!
     Viddeo

"Wow, compliment overdose. He must want something," observes Gregg. I'll just let him finish reading...
     "Ah yes, the usual plethora of questions.
     "1) 'Stylised yet more mature'? I like that. Maybe we'll include that as a marketing line on the box and then you can sue us for stealing your line. We felt that 'old' Banjo belonged in his era, and there was less of a place for him in today's generally more mature market. So we gave the moth-eaten Jiggy chaser a bit of a makeover, but one that fits in with what his new game is all about.
     "2) Sadly our audio budget is stretched somewhat thin these days, due to Mr. Kirkhope's repeated 'business' trips over to Prague to record the Viva Piñata music with their swanky orchestra. Funny how he always returns smelling of beer and the music sounding exactly the same... Due to this, it means that Grant spends hours in the recording studio with a microphone rather than buying some sound effects CDs, hence the stuff in Banjo and Piñata sounding all the same."

Dear Scribes,

     Well, first of all I would like to thank you for using up some of your time to answer our questions, even though I know that it is probably not just one person answering all these questions. Am I right? Eh? Well hopefully you have time to answer my questions... Thanks... Oh wait I forgot about my questions. Here they are.
     1) I wanted to know who came up with the whole idea of the WildCards for Viva Piñata? I have to say that that is one of the best ideas I have seen for any game, this made me keep playing the game longer than I would usually play any other game. This made the game have a true challenge to try to "catch 'em all". I just hope next time, if there is one, and hopefully there is one [VP2], that you guys will add more Piñatas with more unique traits.
     NOTE: I love the WC Quackberry, I hatched one myself... after like a million tries.
     2) I wanted to know if there was going to be a VP2 or maybe you can just give us a clue. :D
     Geolion

It's just me answering the questions. Well, if you want to get technical, it's often me harassing people on the game teams to answer quite a lot of the questions while I scrawl some random introductory rubbish. Is it that obvious? Tell you what, let's not get technical next time, it's depressing.
     Justin from the team (there you go) says: "1. Game design guru Gregg Mayles was the brains behind that little gem. Why doesn't anyone like the things I was responsible for?
     "2. I can honestly say that there is not a game called Viva Piñata 2 in production. Is that a good enough clue?"
     Look at him with his provocation. Always pushing it, Cook. If I get accused of 'leaking' information in Scribes again there's going to be trouble.

Dear O'Scribes,

     Well with Super Smash Bros. Brawl being released, I can now reset my anticipation sensors to focus on Banjo-Newie, as I'm temporarily calling it, for the 360. And I know how much you LOVE those numbered lists too so let's do this:
     1. So, we're to expect references to the previous Banjos, are we? Mind telling me how many of those are Stop N Swop jokes?
     2. The fact that you mentioned returning locales as well new ones makes me think this is going to be some Director's Cut version of the very first Banjo-Kazooie. And Grunty having restored green flesh in that portrait hanging on the wall in that wallpaper you released for us around Xmas isn't helping to convince me otherwise. Look, Conker already had a remake on the last Xbox, do you really need to make Banjo go through the same thing on this one? Or is this a ::gasp:: brand new story?
     3. Speaking of the original Banjo, I think we need to address a mystery even more mind-numbing than Stop N Swop: Tooty. You've probably answered this before but I can't remember, whatever happened to Tooty? She just vanished in Tooie.
     4. Lastly, this isn't going to turn out to be as tedious as Tooie was, is it? As much as I liked Tooie, the character swapping and massive levels kinda got a little annoying for me by Terrydactyland, unlike DK64 where I kept my interest until I got to Creepy Castle.
     This is Banjo's first next-gen game, so I have high hopes that'll be awesome. Don't let me down or so help me, I'll... wait... oh schnapps, I forgot what I was going to say. Great, I have no empty threat to end the letter with.
     Falcovsleon20

Tedious? Annoying? Stop N Swop? Sarcasm and empty threats? Do you actually want your questions answered, boy? I'll thank you to talk to us with a little more respect. I certainly don't think Mr. Mayles is going to be answering any of – oh, here he is.
     "1) At the last count we had exactly 3,174 Stop n' Swop jokes, but as I type this I'm sure a few more have been added. There will also be packages of 250 Stop n' Swop jokes available each week to download from Xbox Live Marketplace at the astonishingly reasonable cost of 42,103 Microsoft Points each. We like the name Banjo-Newie by the way, it's far better than the one we are using.
     "2) How do you know that we haven't just put Banjo in Conker's remade levels so that we had to do the minimum work possible? Or maybe we have really pushed ourselves to come up with an all-new, unique Banjo adventure that does indeed have a brand new story? Which one do you think it is?
     "3) Tooty vanished because she was taken away by the 'Rubbish Characters in Video Games' Police. Thankfully they also rounded up the pleasant but dull Brentilda and the inexplicably odd Vegetables with Googly Eyes. Although we have heard rumours that one of them has escaped.
     "4) I spent ages making Grunty Industries the absolute pinnacle of massiveness, complexity and tedium for you, and you gave up even before you got there? Pah! I don't know why I bother sometimes."

Dear Mr. Scribesman,

     I've recently been going back through Donkey Kong Country 2 (Player's Choice version on the SNES, if it makes a difference). During my play-through, I noticed something I'd noticed every other time I've played the game: There are clumps of bananas shaped as letters. This was all well and good, until now. I realized that maybe these letters mean something... something far more sinister than ever imagined. SO. My question is, if any Donkey Kong Country 2 team members still exist that would know what the heck's going on, could you kindly ask them what the heck's going on?
     Thanks much,
     kaoskastle

According to a man in the know, who is of course Gregg but I thought I'd try to introduce him in a new and mysterious way to make it sound less like he's written three-quarters of this edition of Scribes, "the letters usually spell out the button you should be pressing when you see them, as some kind of not-very-secret secret. Unless of course you get to the extra-secret secret area that contains the swear words made up from bananas".
Not many DKC team members still exist who know what the heck's going on with anything, let alone the meanings behind specific banana formations, so you got lucky there. Haha OMG I said they is all old and mental, did you see teh funny?

Hello there, Scribes,

     In the first (and only, as of this writing, perhaps you guys could do something to rectify this situation in the near future?) Banjo 3 trailer, when Banjo and Kazooie finally get past the door, a pretty rockin' remix of the Banjo-Kazooie theme kicks in. Is there anywhere I could find a full version of that music, or will I have to wait until the game finally makes it out in 2011 to hear the full version?
     Another music-related question, what's Dave Wise working on these days? If Wikipedia's right, it seems he hasn't done a whole lot since his masterpiece, DKC2, which I find unfortunate. He's one of the most talented composers in the industry, so I'd love to hear more from him. Diddy Kong Racing had a nice soundtrack, as did the GBA version of DKC3 (the Dave Wise soundtrack was the main reason I picked it up, actually; to be honest, though, while it was mostly great, there were a few tracks in there that I liked less than the SNES versions), but those are the only ones that really stand out in my mind.
     And one final question: Who would win in a fight between Banjo and Donkey Kong?
     Kevin

The rockin'-ness factor in this first equation leads me to suspect that it's Mr. Kirkhope we need to talk to.
     "Hello Kevin, I have done a 'Rockin' re-mix of the Banjo main theme with my good self playing the guitars etc. You can actually find a version of it hidden in Kameo: Elements of Power, if you search the web I'm sure you'll find it somewhere! (Will you stop encouraging criminal activities? – Ed) I have re-done it since and it may/may not make it into the new game... you'll have to wait and see... hehe!"
     And D. Wise is always busy. Observe: "Thank you for your kind words. I've been working on a few things recently. There are a few up-and-coming titles on the way, but we'll just have to be patient for a little while longer before these are released.
     "As for DKC3: I'm often asked why I re-composed the entire soundtrack for the GBA version. The original DKC soundtracks were written for the SNES, a home entertainment system, where one would expect to hear the audio through television speakers. Eveline had written a very atmospheric soundtrack for the original DKC3 which worked well for the mood of the game. This involved the use of low held notes, which sadly don't translate well to the GBA speakers. As I couldn't do justice to the original soundtrack on the GBA – I wrote a completely new soundtrack to hopefully suit the size of the GBA speakers and portability of the game."
     Banjo vs. Donkey Kong is hard to call. I suspect it'd be an unsatisfying stand-off for political reasons, like the end of Freddy Vs. Jason. The world today, eh? Tsk.

Good evening,

     First of all, a suggestion. You, Mr. Loveday, should do a podcast where you and other Rare employees discuss and dissect Scribes mail. You can give us hope about a new Battletoads or Killer Instinct game, only to crush us like the vermin we are when we find out that you were only joking, but we couldn't tell because of your British accents. I loved the chap who voiced Carrington in Perfect Dark by the way, his Scottish accent made me think you'd hired Sean Connery, very convincing work, give him my best. You could also comment on current events in the gaming world. I can't wait to hear your comments on E3 '08 sometime in April '09. That was a joke by the way. Since you guys are like the tortoise in that race with the hare. Quality over quantity you know, I'm not complaining. But I digress. Towards the end of the podcast you could ridicule people like me in the Snippets section. You should release a book containing all the best Snippets, with Clipper on the cover of course. The ad should say: "Inside we reveal the Perfect Dark push-button codes". Guaranteed million-seller.
     Onto the questions/comments/facts of life:
     1. GoldenEye XBLA. Yeah I know you've probably gotten 500 emails about this, but do any of those emails contain this interpretation of how BK-3 might look like? So please explain in great detail the story behind GoldenEye XBLA. Is Satoru Iwata really Hiroshi Yamauchi reincarnated? (I know he's not dead, but still it sounded great when I acted it out in my mind. You were a lot shorter than I expected and for some reason you looked like Rush Limbaugh. Do you?)
     2. What is Chris Seavor and the Conker guys (and gals) up to? (I added the gals part because you seem like a feminist. Which is weird because it contradicts your Rush Limbaugh appearance.)
     3. Fess up, the only reason that the shurikens were in Jet Force Gemini was to behead those Tribals.
     4. Is Martin Wakeley still at Rare?
     5. (You can answer your own questions here).
     6. (And here).
     Sincerely yours,
     Fernando, owner of a specialist magazine

'Scribes podcast'. Agh. Perhaps the only two words that fill me with a greater sense of dread and foreboding are 'Uwe Boll'. So much could go wrong. Duncan could get upset and starting trashing the furniture. Chris Allcock could break the internet by appearing on both sides of the Rare-public divide. People might make fun of my Welsh accent, or what's left of it, and I'm a delicate flower. Tthe Snippets book idea is sound though. I was going to do a 'Best Of' edition of Scribes for the website's 10th anniversary, but then I thought a) that's a bit weak and b) I've already got enough questions for at least two proper editions of Scribes (or a single hunky chunky one – case in point) without putting the buggers off any longer.
     1) GoldenEye on XBLA? That's a great idea. Why didn't we think of it before? Lads, get to work!
     2) Something that isn't Conker. By the way, nobody over here really knows who Rush Limbaugh is. I imagine he looks like Willie Rushton, but I could be wrong.
     3) Doesn't that go without saying?
     4) Only in spirit (no, he's not dead).
     5) Yes, I thought the original Sontarans were much better. The new ones look like disfigured lollipop ladies.
     6) I can't believe you'd even ask that – what are you, some kind of pervert? The police are on their way.

G'day Mr. Scribes person! Random person from Norway here.

     I would appreciate to be allowed to ask a question or tooie. I may? Thank you :) OK, here goes:
     #1: Banjo-Threeie. Or Banjo-Kazooie 3? Or maybe Banjo-Overninethousandie? Why would you want to call it anything other than Banjo-Threeie? Banjo-Threeie is perfect. Well, maybe not for those poor persons who have never heard of the Banjo-Kazooie series... But what about "Banjo-Threeie: The 1337est platformer game which has ever been released. Ever."?
     #2: Since you are making a new game of a series which some 70-80% of gamers worldwide have never heard of, why not spread some info? Why not make Banjo appear on your website? Why not stop the Viva Piñata hysteria before it's too late? WHY NOT GIVE US A DAMNED SCREENSHOT???!?!?! Please do, or else... (see attachment).
     #3: Will you guys ever reveal what Stop N Swop really was?
     #4: Can't think of any question to put here...
     #5: Will Weldar ever return? His head was never destroyed you remember...
     ...And that was my questions for this time. Remember to give proper answears! :)
     Cheezdoodles

Answears? Answers combined with swearing? I like it. Over to the Banjo team to tackle your Scandinavian randomness.
     "1) Banjo-Threeie: The 1337est platformer game which has ever been released. Ever is better than some of the game name suggestions that I have seen floating around recently. Banjo-Kazooie: Dirty Works? Banjo-Kazooie: Gears of Paw? Banjo-Kazooie: Bears just want to have fun? Banjo-Kazooie: Italian Carpenter Universe? OK, I made the last one up.
     "2) You'll get more than a screenshot if you keep up your cheek, sonny. We may even resort to revealing what the game actually is if you're not careful. Then you'll be sorry – along with the other 70-80% of gaming heathens worldwide that have yet to experience the glory of inanimate objects with eyes.
     "3) Not until you stop going on about it.
     "4) Good, because I am running out of meaningless answers that keep the Microsoft PR department happy by not revealing big secrets.
     "5) Yes he will! Oh dear, I wasn't supposed to reveal any more new information. Maybe if I end this answer now the Microsoft PR department won't see this."
     Not nearly enough swearing in those answears if you ask me. Buggery bumface, cack badgers and arse mackerel.

Hello Scribing people with no name,

      Firstly I want to say that Rare is the awesomest most fantabulostirific company ever.
     Anyway, I am a 17 year old from Australia and the first Rare game I played was Banjo-Kazooie on the N64. It (in my opinion) was a great game, Banjo-Tooie was even better and I am really looking forward to the third BK. I still play Banjo-Tooie on my N64 once a week. I have played PD Zero and Kameo plus I just started on Viva Piñata. Every one of these games was perfectly executed and I loved them all. Just one thing to point out. Perfect Dark Zero was a prequel to Perfect Dark on the N64 so why was the prototype weapon in Perfect Dark (N64) an available weapon in Perfect Dark Zero? Other than that can't wait for the release of BK3.
     Your Friend in the Fridge,
     Samasaur

You can only stay in the fridge if you promise not to touch the pork pies or the streaky bacon. There's plenty of room in the salad drawer.
Duncan from PDZ clears up all your futuristic weapon woes: "Clearly it was an earlier version of the later weapon... just look at the variants of the M16 assault rifle through the years. Or rather don't, because that's a little disturbing."
Norwegians! Australians! Who's next?

"Killian! I'll be back!" "Only in a re-run."

Heey,

     I'm Gino, I'm from Holland so my Englisch is not so good (sorry, I hope that you can understand it a little bit), I playing PDZ now from almost the beginning, and it's one of my favourite game, but it's really pity that there aren't so many people online the last time :'(
     But I got some questions, and I hope that you can answer them (I really approach it if I get an reaction back):
     1) Infection is one of my favourite modes, but why is there not a friendly fire option in it? (it's much better if you can put the friendly fire off, because bots shoot some times accidentally on me, and that's annoying).
     2) Why is there no bot option in the Sabotage game type?
     3) Are there coming new PDZ maps?
     4) Are there coming some new PDZ weapons?
     I'll hope that I get an answer back soonly,
     Gino

Ooo, a Dutchman. With more PDZ questions. But if we answer these now, we might not be left with anything to break up huge blocks of Banjo questions further down the page. Ah, what the hell. Botwood! You still there?
     "1) Friendly fire would completely remove the most important part of Infection mode, the Last Minute Betrayal.
     "2) Because we didn't get around to having the bots recognise Sabotage props, so it would have been a bit one-sided.
     "3) and 4) No, we finished work on PDZ a long time ago, and we have no plans for any further updates."
     I hope you approach those soonly answers, Gino. Oh come on, nobody complained when I made fun of "please contest me fast".

Dear Scribes,

     Perhaps the most satisfying feeling I ever got in playing video games was in B-K, when Banjo and Kazooie would do a short jiggy dance after obtaining each jiggy. At six years old, seeing this dance brought joy to me in a way that nothing else could, as it still does every time I replay B-K. To my dismay, such a rewarding jig was absent from the brilliant (yet jiggy-danceless) B-T. However, I soon realized that the reason for its exclusion was due to the ability of Banjo and Kazooie to split up and get jiggies separately. Obviously, it would have been impossible for Kazooie to be part of the dance when only Banjo had the jiggy, and a bear dancing without his bird is reprehensible. This dilemma raises two questions:
     1) Will the jiggy dance return in the new Banjo game?
     2) Will Banjo and Kazooie have the ability to split up again?
     Most humble regards,
     Jiggywiggy

You're absolutely right about the taboo nature of birdless bear dancing. That'd be as bad as, say, a badger gyrating suggestively in the middle of an otherwise innocent title screen, and we could never condone such a thing.
Banjo designer on Q1: "No. Current gaming fashions will simply not accept dancing bears clutching shiny puzzle pieces. Now, if he was to wave a gun instead..."
And on Q2: "No. I can still hear all the nasty sweary names that Banjo-Tooie's lead programmer called me for deciding that splitting up the characters was a cool idea."

To teh Scribz masta at RARE,

     I have two ggggreat questions:
     1. Can you give a little more info on any upcoming DS games? For instance, are there any besides Viva Piñata? And a question I have been waiting for a few years: Is there any chance of Banjo & Kazooie coming to the DS?
     2. – OK, technically 3. – Is there any chance of a Banjo-Kazooie TV show? We know Viva Piñata came to 4Kids and I think 4Kids', huh, "interesting" voice acting would be perfect for the Banjo universe, plus the overall story would be better than the random Viva Piñata "cartoon styled" storylines, not that I'm knocking it... One more thing, if your intense sarcasm and rudeness makes me cry, can I sue you? Eheh, never mind...
     Joel

Those questions weren't as ggggreat as Frosties. Probably just as well, Kelloggs would have had to take legal action.
     Banjo team: "1) Whoa! Banjo hasn't even made his debut on the Xbox 360 and you want a DS game? Mmm... is it acceptable for us to repackage Grunty's Revenge and just add on some poorly implemented stylus mini-games?
     "2) If we did a Banjo TV show it would mean we have to come up with some decent storylines, and everyone knows the storylines in Banjo games are a trifle 'basic'. 'Witch kidnaps sister' (B-K) and 'Witch tries to suck life out of everything' (B-T) are hardly worthy of Oscar nominations, are they?"
     Whereas Viva Piñata was actually entered into the Best Storyline category of one of the big awards ceremonies last year... true, that was down to an administrative error, but the fact remains that it was CONSIDERED FOR A MAJOR AWARD.

A Letter to Scribes...

     (To be performed by your nearest, readily available snowman and large crowd. Starring yourself.)
     (Enter Snowman with a large top hat and no arms. Enter Scribes Reader and Audience. Snowman begins to read a letter in a moderately feminine and distinctly Chinese accent.)
     "Read: Salutations, Sir Scribo -STOP!-
     "Having been thoroughly enchanted with the music for Kameo, eventually to the point of purchasing a 360 and game, I felt the pressing need to write to force my faithful snowman sidekick to respectfully request more sound files from said fantasy action adventure -STOP!-
     "In addition, I have recently remembered a certain Easter Egg in Kameo wherein a mysterious radio played a remixed version of a Banjo tune -STOP!-
     "This certainly seems like a hidden indication of what was to come, and I was hoping you could post the track so your humored readers could write what they enjoyed and disliked about the particular direction of the soundtrack -STOP!-
     "While it may be too late for said audience to impact the direction of the music score, I believe the studio would benefit from the readers' misguided belief that they were impacting the future videogame would more than warrant such an upload should any changes be implausible -STOP!-
     "Much obliged –"
     (Snowman's facial expression turns as blank as the signature line.)
     (Exit snowman. Exit Scribes Reader, with a curious aura that suggests the certainty of a future upload.)
     (Audience stares helplessly, listens to uploaded music and writes back to Sir Scribo.)
     TeeniestChaos

Trying to process that hurt my brain, but your letter made it in regardless because our mutual friend Mr. Burke has recently supplied us with some more Kameo MP3s. Including variations on in-game tunes and some previously unheard stuff. Investigate here if you haven't done so already. Steve clarifies further: "Three medleys with some of the remaining Kameo music that isn't on the soundtrack – quite a few of the tracks in these medleys didn't make it into the final game, so it's the first time they've been heard outside the Kameo team."
Free stuff! Free stuff for nothing, with a considerable amount of effort put into it! He's a crazy man with crazy ideas.

Dear Scribes,

     In a recent edition of Scribes, you said that Banjo-Kazooie 3 will not feature traditional gameplay, and multiplayer. I sincerely hope that this does not interfere with the nostalgic gameplay I'm hoping to experience: collecting jiggies, finding all 100 notes, and so on. My opinion is that if you're going to change the way that the game plays, you may as well just give it a different name, different characters, stories, and anything else that requires changing.
     If people are going to go to buy Banjo-Kazooie 3, then they'll probably have played the first and second, and will be expecting something that lives up to its expectations, am I right? I don't have an Xbox 360 as of now, and hearing about this game made me want to get one (for a few other games too, as well, but this one is the main reason). I've been a bit sceptical about this game, because of the two co-founders of Rare leaving the company (or something like that; it was in an interview several months ago).
     I'm not going to make a final judgement until I see some gameplay videos, but I sincerely hope, with my knees on the ground, my hands clutched together, my breath held, my waste-disposal passages blocked, that you will [...interrupt this lengthy spiel with a hidden competition. Remember the five possible game storylines we released on April 1st? Tell us which one you think is correct. Just send an email with a single number on it (1, 2, 3, 4 or 5). Everyone that gets it right will win a prize. No idea what, but we'll come up with something. Closing date May 12th, no members of the development team can play and our decisions are final, etc. Meanwhile, we will consider if we should...] retain most of the game's main features and gameplay styles, or to make a sixteen-year-old fan of your work's dream come true, perhaps change your mind, and do keep the platformer style the same, perhaps? And if that is not possible, at least tell me this: will the game feature the same musical style as the previous game (instruments, the horns blowing in musical tone, and so on), and will the same team be working on the soundtrack? It was one of my favourite parts of the game, for I've been bugging everyone around me as I hum those extremely catchy songs over and over again.
     Thank you, and feel free to answer just one or two of those questions, if others cannot be answered, or put them in short form, if you plan on posting them in the Scribes,
     Jengerer

The Jengerer Bus is coming, and everybody's j